just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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