What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
