You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
