im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Two words: blizzard sex
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
