Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
