Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
