guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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