One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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