i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
