Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This is my gift to your gina
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
