I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
