If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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