Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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