Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
