The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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