My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
if only i could text you this smell
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
