Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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