I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
