it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize