Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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