Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
