I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
