i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
