I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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