i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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