there's paper in my vomit.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
