Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize