who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
