someone threw a dead crab at me
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
