She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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