You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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