i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
