Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize