He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
