well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
