dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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