You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
