My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
