Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
