she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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