I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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