i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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