I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
