She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Nicole vs. Life
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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