weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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