Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Couch. On fire.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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