I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We had to coat check the pizza.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
