hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
