i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
