Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
