My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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