Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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