I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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