Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
And then he peed in my hair
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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