i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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