therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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