You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
