this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
