it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
