hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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