It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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