I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
They have beer where we have blood.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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