your thong is hanging out like whoa
so explain again why im purple
no
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
