I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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