before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
