My room smells like vodka and shame
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize