Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
