okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
