My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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