cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
