She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
