No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
