It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
