i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
