he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize