Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
